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STARKOV.ALINA@CDC.ORG
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Half?

You think some of the people on that list aren't actually dead?

[ He rolls his eyes. ]

I hardly made an exact count, but yes. Many of them doubted it. Which could just be grief talking.

But no. I don't think that. After all Ginoza's father is dead. He just didn't die the way I was told he did.

Have you talked to Gliese about it? Asked her what happened?

Edited 2014-11-05 15:04 (UTC)

[ He sighs. ]

The Instructors weren't willing to be drawn on the fates of any of those killed. They didn't tell me how they died - only that they were killed in action.

I just assumed something had happened, the planet was dangerous...

But Nobuchika's father?

Something isn't right.

[ Nikolai moves, almost pacing, his arms folded over his chest. ]

If he didn't come back after the Blue mission, he couldn't have been killed during the evacuation.

The only death I'm sure of is 1. I know he was on the shuttle when it crashed. The others, I know nothing about at all.

I don't even really recognize the names of most of them... I met He Ming when we first arrived, but I hadn't seen much of him since.

[ She glances up at him as he paces. ]

That mission was so long ago. What if all of these people weren't killed during evacuation, but they were holding the list?

What if.

[ He looks at her. Alina is the only one he could talk to about this. He spends half his time trying to convince everyone else to trust the CDC, and then he questions them himself. It's infuriating. ]

Why would they do that? That's what I can't understand. If they were forthcoming with information it would be so much easier to give them the trust they seek.

[ He's aware of how that sounds coming from him, by the way. Secrets are his currency. As it turns out, it's not fun to be on the other side of the coin. ]

[ Okay taking a moment to give him a look. ]

Do you get how frustrating that is now? [ Just pointing it out that this is what she had to deal with from you. Just. saying. ]

We shouldn't jump to the worst conclusions.

[ He returns that look. Nikolai hates not holding all the cards. He always has. ]

I'm not jumping to any conclusions. Mostly because there's nowhere to jump.

I just don't want our trust to be blind. How long did it take you to trust me? Honestly.

A long time. [ She nods her head. ]

I don't trust them. But we need them, all the same.

We only need them if we can trust them to keep their word.

[ So can they? He's starting to feel very tired of wondering.

He stops pacing, at least, and settles his back against the wall next to her. ]

Don't tell anyone. Kotetsu and Banagher are already struggling with what we had to do.

It's not a surprise. Or really a mystery.

I'm struggling, and I agreed to all of this. Of course they are too. [ She says it without pity, though. Just a fact. ]

[ He reaches over, closing his hand around hers. He squeezes. ]

I know you are. But you've held it together. I never had to worry about you losing your cool on that planet.

[ She reaches out to take his hand, lacing her fingers with his. ]

I know. [ Because she'll always act with Ravka's best interests. ]

But they're going to struggle worse than I am.

They already are.

[ His eyes slide to her. ]

For a while, I was genuinely worried Kotetsu wouldn't make it back. We cut it close. Closer than I wanted.

[ She takes a deep breath and glances at Nikolai. ]

We have to help them through this. [ Because if they continue to be a liability, Alina and Nikolai have already proven what side they'll choose.

Ravka. Always Ravka. ]

We will.

[ He touches her cheek, just lightly. Barely. He knows why she's worried. Neither one of them wants to have to make a choice like that again. ]

Once, you would have been the one making that choice. You learned.

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