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solkoroleva) wrote2014-08-31 06:32 pm
solkoroleva) wrote2014-08-31 06:32 pm
(no subject)
STARKOV.ALINA@CDC.ORG
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no subject
You can have my share.
FROM: md.arbuckal.adrien@cdc.org
It wouldn't surprise me. Not after everything on Ajna.
FROM: md.arbuckal.adrien@cdc.org
Yes but at least we know that now. It's the ones we can't see that worry me.
no subject
Next time. I won't forget.
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
I still don't understand everything about Ajna... I wonder if I ever will.
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
We don't know who, though. That's what I'm concerned about. [ She's on the edge of saying it. Of saying how she fears HQ and how they're the threat she wants to see eradicated.
But she's almost certain it's not just the instructors who know everything. ]
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
Do you ever feel reactive?
no subject
Yes. Because right now that's what we are.
[ And it chafes. It chafes in ways that leave Adrien abusing his body in the name of *training* simply to get the violence out of his system for a bit. ]
FROM: md.arbuckal.adrien@cdc.org
I've asked, Alina to take a more proactive stance.
FROM: md.arbuckal.adrien@cdc.org
It was requested that patience is needed for the time being.
[ Alina knows enough to read between the lines. To understand who Adrien would trust enough to bend too. ]
no subject
I've gotten the same answer. Patience. [ Deep breaths. It's not the Instructors her anger is geared towers, it's being helpless. It's like being in the White Cathedral again, buried beneath the earth and suffocating while men lesser than her decide her fate. ]
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
Until then I only theorize and hypothesize. I should have been a Materialki at this rate.
no subject
I'm angry, Alina.
[ One of those rare admittance to an emotion, shared with her as they have so often walked this same path, since Ajna.
Like her, the anger is not directed at the instructors but rather is a frustrated anger at being trapped, helpless and at the mercy of the decisions of others. He knows that anger very well and struggles to bottle it for the time being.
Patience. ]
FROM: md.arbuckal.adrien@cdc.org
Even that we need to be cautious of, least we start warping facts to suit preconceived scenarios.
Materialki?
no subject
I keep getting warnings. I'm beginning to fear what they mean.
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
Grisha whose abilities are more suited for... scientific pursuits.
no subject
Warnings?
[ He wonders if their along similar lines to his own. ]
no subject
Gliese has tried to warn me off trusting her in the past. And today she told me again that she should discourage my kindness to her.
no subject
FROM: md.arbuckal.adrien@cdc.org
I suppose it depends.
What do you trust her for?
no subject
What I have to trust her for. To get us through this alive. To consider us. To care for us.
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
I trust her almost wholly.
no subject
Do you trust her to send us to our deaths, if that's what's required to salvage the crew?
no subject
I think our mission already proved it so.
no subject
She may be trying to warn you against trusting her to always be able to get us through this alive.
FROM: md.arbuckal.adrien@cdc.org
I trust her also, Alina. More so than I've trusted anyone in my life.
FROM: md.arbuckal.adrien@cdc.org
I trust her to give me the tools and every opportunity to keep myself alive but I do not doubt that at this moment, if circumstances call for it, my life is disposable at her hands.
no subject
I think the last is right. She has her reasons and her goals. We can help her, but ultimately she is here for a reason.
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
I want to help, but she's not wrong either.
no subject
I want to help also.
[ This next bit, doesn't come easily. Seriously, wut are words but he's come this far, best get it out there. ]
FROM: md.arbuckal.adrien@cdc.org
I told Neheda, I'm not looking to go home. I'll protect my home through my contract as best that I'm able but when my contract ends, I have no illusions about going home.
FROM: md.arbuckal.adrien@cdc.org
I'm here to serve Gliese.
[ The word choice is deliberate, because ... ears everywhere ... but he trusts Alina to pick up on the distinction. He's not saying he plans to stay with the CDC because what a great employer doing good works!! He's saying he's signed over his life to helping Gliese attain her goals.
Whether it's within his life time or not. ]
no subject
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
I have to go home. I can't stay here. Even for her.
Which means I have to have a home to go back to. I think I understand Gliese too well, sometimes.
no subject
I know.
You and Sturmhond need to go home.
Part of my promise to Neheda was to help ensure others lived long enough to realize that ability.
[ Again, he'd let Alina read between the lines there. ]